The dark night
of the soul

16 December 2024

I find myself often yo-yo’ing back and forth about my view on this world. This is probably a mistake given that the spiritual path is about dismantling opinions, views, hopes, dreams and concepts. These things are all aspects of mind which can keep you bound.

Sometimes I feel like we are trapped in some kind of oppressive matrix, much like what is depicted in the film (The Matrix). It seems clear to me that our minds have an AI component to them. It exhibits all the characteristics of AI (algorithmic behaviors/patterns). There is also clearly an internal light, consciousness (awareness) which seems to be completely separate and independent of all of the noise. That is what you are. The obstacle though is distraction. All the noise of the mind. 

On the flip side, there is a good chance (as many DMT type trip reports confirm) that this is some kind of compressed learning school. This is how Robert Monroe described Earth. He was in contact with inspecs (more intelligent species/entities) through his incredible ability to astral travel, without the use of drugs/substances. 

It could be a combination of both. What is clear, those trapped in this simulation (including much more advanced intelligences) all have the same question: why? This is the question that drives everything, and has never, and may never been answered.

Back to the point of the post. Once you ‘wake up’ to what this reality is, a dream of sorts, a simulated/digital construct, a mirror of whatever frequency you are projecting, life is never again the same. You stop seeking out validation. You stop chasing money/power/wealth/sex/status. You don’t have to give everything up. But you do have to change your relationship with the objects of consciousness. You eventually form a detachment and are less involved in, what I call, the ‘duality game’. When that happens, things go quiet. You often have days where you wonder what is the point. Motivation completely tanks because you aren’t driven as you were before. You have to completely abandon everything you once thought was true.

You understand that, like a hamster on a wheel, living life as a normal human being is a road to nowhere. I will talk about it on a separate post, but I think humans are some kind of experiment. We are low down in the pecking order of intelligent life. I think we were created to produce what Monroe termed ‘loosh’. Check out the video of Jordan Crowder below who describes this concept brilliantly. Like in the movie ‘Monsters, Inc.’ humans give off conscious energy. It is very likely consumed by our invisible masters. Remember we perceive only a small fraction of the electromagnetic spectrum. I think we produce both low and high vibrational loosh, but society is constructed in a way by our overlords to generate more lower stuff. That is why the world is such a mess, but also why it is ripe for growth. 

I am in the awkward zone right now. I still kind of mess with my old habits. I still drink a bit. I still talk about the same garbage (complaining, playing the duality game) but with much less emotional involvement. I am aware of how this life game works now. It doesn’t mean I’m there yet, far from it. As Michael Singer says, first you start with the low hanging fruit. React less to the small things on a day-to-day. You aren’t ready for the bigger things – until you are. 

What are you left with when you start forming a detachment? Basically all of the issues you didn’t do well with in the past. Rumination, physical pain, insomnia (in my case) and a general lack of zest for life. Doesn’t sound very appealing does it? The thing is, you DO have days where you’re alive for no reason. Like truly alive. It’s as if you’re given a sneak-peek at what could be. That’s what keeps you going. When the energy truly flows and your ego is moved to one side. That is who you are your natural state. Your ego and self-importance is what strands in the way.

The dark days do stack up though. This period may last for years, I really don’t know. You still obviously fall and even go backwards sometimes, but you just have to pick yourself up and get back on track. Again to quote Singer, you need to set a polestar and then learn how to sail. My polestar is to let go of the junk weighing me down, to become lighter. You will have bad days which is when you put the sail down and hibernate, but when the winds and currents pick back up in your favor, you go again. It’s about balancing grace (the forces of reality) with self-effort (willpower).

The reason I haven’t been posting much and am not doing much in general with my life is because I am in this period. The dark night of the soul. I think most people turn back here because it can be miserable. They go back to familiar patterns because it was way more comfortable. I refuse to. I know that you don’t have to live life like you’re in a washing machine. Don Juan called this practice impeccability. Learning to become a warrior-traveler. It is not for the faint-hearted because it means a complete re-write of the script. That said, it’s more about ‘falling back’ and non-resistance. Playing your part in this movie without friction. When you start to experience reality with clarity, you truly begin to learn your lessons. Which might explain why we’re here. Maybe we can break out, but we have to leave with less than we arrived. That’s what karma is. Lose the personal junk. The lighter you are, the higher your frequency, and that’s when you can access so much more. Keep going warriors!